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I got spanked by Dad once. It was a short series of slaps. I don't remember at all whether it hurt or why I got spanked. However, I remember very well how terrified I was. Not because of the slaps themselves, but because of the rage and emotions I had never seen on my father's face before.

I used force once with my own children – with the oldest, Mateusz. He was maybe 10 or 11 years old then. I have no memory of what he did or how many times he was spanked. However, I remember very well that a moment after my fatherly intervention I felt terrible and decided that I would never do it again.

The discussion about the permissibility of spanking is as old as the world. Supporters of this educational method most often repeat that a child will not grow into a decent person without feeling a father's hand, that my father also used a belt and that is what makes me who I am, that spanking leads children to the right path, that without a belt there is no discipline, that spanking has never harmed any child.

For me, these arguments are worthless. A belt and spanking never bring anything good. Just because our fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers used a belt, does not mean that we have to. And force to enforce anything is the worst possible tool.

A slap, even the lightest, is always a symptom of a parent's helplessness. It means that the parent cannot cope, is unable, is helpless. When a parent slaps, it is as if they were saying "I give up", "I don't know how to talk to you".

A slap, even the smallest, is a forceful action. People should never use force in relationships with other people. We are rational beings who have language to solve all issues. Force in relationships is bad. Force against a weaker person is doubly bad. And force against one's own child is triply bad. So every slap is triply bad.

Spanking is also bad because it is done in emotion. Most of our actions carried out in emotion are reflexive, unthought-out and aimed at giving vent. And yet in a relationship with a child we should rather care about control and achieving a good result, and not about using the child for the needs of giving vent to our own emotions.

Some people think that spanking is a quick, simple and effective tool for correcting their own child's incorrect behavior. It may seem that way when a parent sees that after a few times the child stops doing something that the parent did not want. This is an illusion. The child stops the undesirable action because there is no other way out in the face of the force of a stronger parent. And this is an apparent solution, and incomprehensible to the child.

Smacking not only solves and fixes nothing, but also damages the child's mind. A child who receives a smack receives a very clear message from their parent that is completely unrelated to what the parent would like to achieve. This message is something like this: if I don't do what they want me to do, they will enforce it by force anyway. So if I don't want it to hurt, I have to comply. Fear is effective, but it can leave a bad mark on the child's mind.

Parents often say that their children are unbearable, don't listen, are undisciplined. And that all they can do is spank them to control it all. I think it's worth realizing that what our children are like is one hundred percent the result of our actions and our inactions. If a child is unbearable, it's not because they were born that way. They are like that because of us, because of our mistakes. This spanking given to a child would be more due to us, because we allowed the child to become unbearable.

For me, a slap administered by a parent is proof that they were unable or unwilling to talk to their child. If anyone, it is really worth talking to your own child.